I hate goodbyes.

Last October, after four months and 9000 miles of American travel, I landed in Los Angeles, where I soon took up residency with my son and his wife, got a California driver's license, registered to vote, enrolled in "Covered California" healthcare, became a leasing agent for a real estate management company, and learned the ins and outs of driving in LA.

I am a Californian.  And I love it.

But my two older sons have taken up residency in the same metro area on the other side of the country for a brief time, and I feel a sense of urgency to get back behind the wheel of my prius to head east so that I can take advantage of this opportunity of access.

I quit my job.  I bought new tires.  I packed up my things (they are sitting in the middle of the living room floor). I am sipping my coffee and will soon load the car. Tonight's hotel is booked and paid for.  I am set to trip again and I am excited about making memories with my grandchildren for the next few months. 

I will be answering to a different name for awhile:  Ma'amaw. This makes me smile.

But I still have tears in my eyes this morning; I have to say goodbye.

Yes, it is a temporary departure. And my family here in California can probably use a little break from me; I mean, jeez, having your mother/mother-in-law live with you for such an extended stay should qualify you for humanitarian of the year. These two lovely people deserve some private time; how they must miss walking naked through the house and having sex in the living room.

They are up now. He is watering the garden; she is getting ready for a photo shoot.

And I have tears in my eyes and my throat burns and I am clenching my jaw shut to prevent sobs from bursting out.

We will go out to breakfast and then he and I will load my car and then we will look at each other and hug and I won't be able to talk because if I open my mouth I will sob and then I will get in the car and drive away and wonder if I am doing the right thing and for many, many miles, I will cry.

I hate goodbyes.